WHEN I DON’T NEED TO CONTROL MY EMOTIONS

 

I always wanted to be less emotional. I just can’t hide my feelings. Most of the time people could see straight through me. They knew when I was nervous or excited. It makes me feel vulnerable and I’m not so comfortable with that.

And YET, for the first time I realized there is NOTHING that helps me to connect and talk to God as my emotions do.

They help me to become more humble. They cause me to fall on my knees and face my God. If it wasn’t for my emotions I would never get into a true, honest and desperate state of worshiping and admiring and admitting my full dependence on Him. It is my emotions that make me realize how much I hunger for a deep, intimate fellowship with God.

It is my emotions that make me see the beautiful things He does in other people lives and that touch me profoundly.

So profound that I am ready to be taught, and changed and transformed. It is my emotions that bring me to a state of pure vulnerability without which I wouldn’t be able to admit my failures, my weaknesses and my faults.

When I talk in front of people, my emotions are what makes me aware that it’s not about me. It’s about God. I am only His ambassador. It is emotions that God uses to bring the best in me for His glory and not mine. He grants me just enough strength to hold my emotions as I need to get going doing what I should be doing. But the very moment I begin to take pride and take the credit to myself my emotions awaken my heart to realize I do not belong to myself but I belong to Him.

So for the first time in my life I am actually grateful for being as emotional as I am. It has a beautiful side to it and I am so happy.

Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain. […]
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Psalm 139

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