My children DESERVE my COURTESY first

Honestly, I’m grateful for the chance to rest on weekends! I truly value this time when I can reflect on my life and decide what I’m going to improve.

And so, I’m starting the week with a new CHALLENGE:

How can I show more COURTESY to my children?!

I realized that I’m not only responsible for building my marriage, but also MY FAMILY.  And the natural tendency is to show more courtesy to others than to my family whom I love the most.  If the child of a stranger would misbehave, I would still be kind and polite even if I had to correct him. It made me think why can’t we, as mothers, always act with maximum courtesy with OUR children. Do others deserve my kindness more than my own children?

And how else will they learn to show courtesy toward others? I don’t normally think in these terms. Do you? But I’m responsible to make myself aware of how crucially important is to start practicing being kind, respectful and considerate with my children. It’s not all what courtesy is, but it’s an important part of it and it’s what this post is about.

Yes, they are wrong to throw tantrums! Yes, they misbehave! But their disobedience doesn’t give me the right to be negative and mean. And besides, isn’t the child’s behavior a reflection of mine? I certainly don’t like to admit this but it’s the truth.

What is courtesy anyway?

“Courtesy, is that quality of the heart that overlooks the broken gate and CALLS ATTENTION to the flowers in the yard beyond the gate”. 
Henry Clay Risner

In other words, the emphasis should be put on their beautiful personalities, their unique qualities and their amazing potential. I can show courtesy when I correct disobedience with kindness. I was once scolding my daughter for being stubborn while helping her to put on her shoes, and she said to me:  “You are not being kind right now, mama!”. I felt so bad and I’m happy now that I realized and admitted that I was wrong. I said to her: “I’m so sorry, Sofia! Would you like mama to tell you the same thing nicely?”. And I did.

I promised her I would do my best to show her where she is wrong with a kind voice and tone! The change in her behavior was INSTANT. She immediately hugged me and smiled and OBEYED.

We, parents, but especially us, mothers, given our natural tendency to respond emotionally (I don’t speak for all the women), we need so much wisdom and will power to withhold criticism and negativism and respond to our children’s misbehavior in a constructive and effective way.

Another important aspect of showing courtesy that I’ve became more aware of, is that I want to be considerate to their feelings and see beyond the exterior behavior.  I want to treat my children as I would like to be treated myself. I would want to know that mama UNDERSTANDS how I feel EVEN IF I have to do what she says.
 
I want to know that she knows!
And that she understands. 
What a relief for a child when she knows that! It gives her wings and suddenly she becomes kinder and more patient. And even tells me I’m the sweetest mother in the world.

Do you feel the same way sometimes? That you really want to be kinder? That you hate being angry with your children and when you watch them sleep and you go back to your room, you think of all the moments that could have been better that day?

I really believe we can always improve as long as we really want to! Even if it takes to remind ourselves daily or once in a while, we should never let go of the desire to get better.

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